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Change around some of the friendship details and I feel like I could have written this. Everyday I wonder what it is about me that makes people not want to be my friend, why I'm so defective. If I am meant to be alone because I'm too worthless to be around people.
It's never too late though nonnie. You just have to believe that out there are people who will love you for you and you'll meet them one day and it will be fucking aces. It's what keeps me going.
It's never too late though nonnie. You just have to believe that out there are people who will love you for you and you'll meet them one day and it will be fucking aces. It's what keeps me going.
I want to believe that, but it's just really hard. I don't really go out and do much so there isn't much opportunity to meet new people. I've thought about volunteering my time since I'm probably not going to be using it to hang out with my old friends. I guess I just need to get out more and find people, but I'm pretty socially awkward and it's so nervous-making to put myself out there at all.
Have you tried talking to your friends about it? I know it sounds obvious, but sometimes people need to be told you're feeling neglected. I've known my two closest friends for roughly 15 years a piece, and I still have to poke them every once in a while to make sure we spend time together.
If I've learned anything as I've gotten older, it's that relationships take a shit ton of effort on everyone's part. Sometimes the people you end up spending the most time with are the people who are the easiest to get a hold of or make plans with. I have a lot of friends from school, high school and college, who I still love dearly, but haven't seen or spoken to in ages, between my busy schedule and general laziness. When I do finally speak with them, I often feel guilty, despite the fact that they hadn't been reaching out to me, either. Over the years, I've learned to suck it up, and reach out to the people I want to keep in contact with and stop waiting for them to reach out to me. I have yet to get ahold of an old friend who wasn't genuinely happy to hear from me. Making friends is hard for most people, especially as they get older.
As for new friends, I've made one in the past five years. He's awesome, and we probably have more in common than most of my old friendships, but we also met at work, and I'm not sure where I'd start, if I wanted to make more friends.
If I've learned anything as I've gotten older, it's that relationships take a shit ton of effort on everyone's part. Sometimes the people you end up spending the most time with are the people who are the easiest to get a hold of or make plans with. I have a lot of friends from school, high school and college, who I still love dearly, but haven't seen or spoken to in ages, between my busy schedule and general laziness. When I do finally speak with them, I often feel guilty, despite the fact that they hadn't been reaching out to me, either. Over the years, I've learned to suck it up, and reach out to the people I want to keep in contact with and stop waiting for them to reach out to me. I have yet to get ahold of an old friend who wasn't genuinely happy to hear from me. Making friends is hard for most people, especially as they get older.
As for new friends, I've made one in the past five years. He's awesome, and we probably have more in common than most of my old friendships, but we also met at work, and I'm not sure where I'd start, if I wanted to make more friends.
I really do want to talk with them about it, but I'm pretty drama-phobic. Just the idea of confrontation makes me freak out and I'm not sure how to approach it, er, sensitively. Without breaking down and making a total mess of myself.
The last time I tried to talk to them about anything semi-serious, it didn't go too well. So I guess I'm afraid of making it worse. Maybe I'll ring them up tomorrow since I know everyone should be free.
The last time I tried to talk to them about anything semi-serious, it didn't go too well. So I guess I'm afraid of making it worse. Maybe I'll ring them up tomorrow since I know everyone should be free.
;_; I could easily be the other side of this party. I miss all of my internet friends, but just can't work out a RL/internet balance effectively. So I left the internet for a time and am now sort of back. It probably doesn't help, but if you are any of the friends that were my friends, it was so not you. I'm sorry if I made you feel like you were chopped liver.
Meme, are any Torchwood fans around? I started watching to the fill the hiatus void, and three episodes in, I'm not really enjoying it. I find the characters all kind of uninteresting and the plot lines aren't gripping. I'll keep going if I hear that it gets better (I did this with SPN and also with Babylon 5, both of which I didn't get into until season 2). Does it get better? Or is season 1 pretty indicative of what the show is going to be like?
Maybe a better question is: why are people so passionate about this show?
Maybe a better question is: why are people so passionate about this show?
Torchwood has plot holes up the wazoo, but season 2 is very fanservice-y and fun. The characters get more interesting, too.
Skip season 3.
/still bitter about [spoiler]
Skip season 3.
/still bitter about [spoiler]
I am also still bitter about Children of Earth. :\ And I didn't even bother to watch the last half!
Op nonnie: I say stick around at least for episode one of season 2. That way you get Captain Jack Harkness macking on James Marsters (Spike). Or, mmm, who remembers what episode that hot Jack/Ianto kiss was in? Episode 4?
http://i961.photobucket.com/albums/ae92/BarrowmansGirl/Torchwood/torchwood02.jpg
Yeah, baby. That would be the reason why I sat through Torchwood (that and the awesomeness that is Jack, Ianto, and Tosh... Owen when he's doing alright). Methinks a certain someone forgot that...
Op nonnie: I say stick around at least for episode one of season 2. That way you get Captain Jack Harkness macking on James Marsters (Spike). Or, mmm, who remembers what episode that hot Jack/Ianto kiss was in? Episode 4?
http://i961.photobucket.com/albums/ae92/BarrowmansGirl/Torchwood/torchwood02.jpg
Yeah, baby. That would be the reason why I sat through Torchwood (that and the awesomeness that is Jack, Ianto, and Tosh... Owen when he's doing alright). Methinks a certain someone forgot that...
ayrt
Hmm, see I don't find the guy who plays Ianto at all attractive, but hopefully his character will get more interesting? Gwen is just so meh, do they start to focus on the other characters more?
Hmm, see I don't find the guy who plays Ianto at all attractive, but hopefully his character will get more interesting? Gwen is just so meh, do they start to focus on the other characters more?
sa
Sorry, I am the OP, not the ayrt. Flatview fail.
Sorry, I am the OP, not the ayrt. Flatview fail.
ayrt
Gareth grew on me. I didn't particularly like his looks at first either. But then I began to like the character more and, like I said, he grew on me. His character does get more interesting the farther that you get into the show as he begins to play a bigger part.
Gwen is rather meh, I agree. I was rather meh on her the whole way through and then actively began hating her in season 3 through no real fault of her own. To tell you why would be a major spoiler. They do start to focus on other characters more in the show, so she does become tolerable.
Gareth grew on me. I didn't particularly like his looks at first either. But then I began to like the character more and, like I said, he grew on me. His character does get more interesting the farther that you get into the show as he begins to play a bigger part.
Gwen is rather meh, I agree. I was rather meh on her the whole way through and then actively began hating her in season 3 through no real fault of her own. To tell you why would be a major spoiler. They do start to focus on other characters more in the show, so she does become tolerable.
Season 1-2 is fun and extremely cracky, but really bad. It's the kind of show that's fantastic if you're drunk while watching it. Season two so that sucked.
Season 3 were much better written, but it's such a depressing season it might not be worth watching. I watched the whole season in one evening, and afterwards I cried for two hours, said "that was fucking awesome" and then I never watched it again. It's hated by a large part of fandom, because it and because it's over the top depressing.
That Torchwood is one of the Doctor Who spin-offs helped build up a fan base for the show, and then the slash pushed the fandom to the next level.
Torchwood is very different than Doctor Who, but still fun to watch. Like, the latest episode of DW had a sword-fighting Victorian lesbian couple.
If those characters had instead been in Torchwood, they'd also fight crime! using the power of sex! and then everything explodes!!! - so that is the basic appeal of Torchwood. When you're drunk it's the greatest show on the planet.
I mean, there's canon mpreg within the first five minutes. That's amazing. And the fourth episode has a bikini-clad cyborg fighting a pterodactyl!
Season 3 were much better written, but it's such a depressing season it might not be worth watching. I watched the whole season in one evening, and afterwards I cried for two hours, said "that was fucking awesome" and then I never watched it again. It's hated by a large part of fandom, because it and because it's over the top depressing.
That Torchwood is one of the Doctor Who spin-offs helped build up a fan base for the show, and then the slash pushed the fandom to the next level.
Torchwood is very different than Doctor Who, but still fun to watch. Like, the latest episode of DW had a sword-fighting Victorian lesbian couple.
If those characters had instead been in Torchwood, they'd also fight crime! using the power of sex! and then everything explodes!!! - so that is the basic appeal of Torchwood. When you're drunk it's the greatest show on the planet.
I mean, there's canon mpreg within the first five minutes. That's amazing. And the fourth episode has a bikini-clad cyborg fighting a pterodactyl!
Okay, this will probably verge into TMI-territory...
Today I got an offer from two friends (a couple) if I wanted to have a threesome with them. Well, in general, this wouldn't be a problem for me (because I like them, too) if I ever had sex with someone before :/
Being 24 and still a virgin is kinda embarassing for me and I am damn curious about sex, but there was never an opportunity for me to do it before now (hello low self-esteem!). But then again, I am not sure if I want to get into a threesome the first time I'll do something like this, even if I really like the other two persons.
Help, meme? Suggestions?
Today I got an offer from two friends (a couple) if I wanted to have a threesome with them. Well, in general, this wouldn't be a problem for me (because I like them, too) if I ever had sex with someone before :/
Being 24 and still a virgin is kinda embarassing for me and I am damn curious about sex, but there was never an opportunity for me to do it before now (hello low self-esteem!). But then again, I am not sure if I want to get into a threesome the first time I'll do something like this, even if I really like the other two persons.
Help, meme? Suggestions?
Well then it won't be a problem if you're a little awkward at first. I mean, if these people are cool and you trust them, why not? But only if you really trust them with this and are into it.
I can only speak from experience, obviously, but my first time was a threesome and it was awesome. They both knew and were careful to take good care of me :)
I guess it depends on how much you value saving yourself or cherish the idea of the first time being with the right person. If you don't attach any special significance to virginity, and you don't think the sex will hurt your friendship (or end up with you getting emotionally attached/hurt), then go for it.
Thanks! :)
And I hope I don't overstep some border here, but did you talk it through before or just "let it happen"?
/curious
And I hope I don't overstep some border here, but did you talk it through before or just "let it happen"?
/curious
Oh, I haven't even thought about the emotional angle here, I've been mostly stuck on "Do I want to or not?" so far. (But I think that shouldn't be a problem :))
Hm... I think I really need to talk it through with them if I decide to go for it.
Hm... I think I really need to talk it through with them if I decide to go for it.
Umm kinda? It was surprisingly casual. I had known that they were attracted to me (two males) but nothing had really been said about it. The three of us were hanging out one night and it came up somehow. I was more surprised that they were okay with it because they both identify as heterosexual, but they were pretty enthusiastic.
I think it worked out well because if it had just been one of them, there may have been this pressure on him because he may have felt like he had to be a "good" partner as it was my first time, but with two of them, it alleviated it, I guess? We set a few ground rules but other than that, we learned as we went. Mainly it was figuring out what I liked, as again, they identified as straight and so weren't really interested in each other as much.
So the situations are pretty different, but I would say set the ground rules and go for it, if you feel comfortable. :)
I think it worked out well because if it had just been one of them, there may have been this pressure on him because he may have felt like he had to be a "good" partner as it was my first time, but with two of them, it alleviated it, I guess? We set a few ground rules but other than that, we learned as we went. Mainly it was figuring out what I liked, as again, they identified as straight and so weren't really interested in each other as much.
So the situations are pretty different, but I would say set the ground rules and go for it, if you feel comfortable. :)
Nonny, you have to ask yourself two questions. Do you trust them, and do your expectations for what happens afterwards match theirs?
I had sex for the first time at 22, so I get where you're coming from about being a virgin. It was kind of a relief for me to finally have sex and not have to spend so much time thinking about whether or not I wanted to have sex with someone and when to have the talk when I was dating a new person about the fact that I was a virgin, blah, blah, blah. I'm from a religious family. I don't regret waiting, but I don't regret getting "the first time" over with either and not having that pressure anymore.
I was thinking my first time in trying to answer this question, and as far as the actual sex goes, I don't really remember it. I don't think it would have made a difference one way or the other if there had been another person. If the sex is all you care about, I don't think it makes a difference whether your first time is as part of a threesome or not.
What I do remember is after. We went to sleep together in my bed. The next day I woke up early, and there was a man in my bed! That was strange and weird, and I wasn't sure what to do with myself, so I went in the living room and read a book until he woke up. And then he came out of the bedroom, and he made breakfast for us while I got the sheets in the laundry and scrubbed the blood out of the mattress. Neither of us had to work that day, but we didn't have much money, so we just drove out to the lake and cuddled up in the car with the windows rolled down and watched the water. We spent the whole day together, and it was nice. Even though that relationship didn't last very long and ended badly, I wouldn't trade the memory of that day for all the tea in the world. And you're not going to get a day like that with a couple. You're probably not even going to go sleep in the same bed and have someone there when you wake up. And that might not be important to you. It all just depends on what your personal priorities are.
If you do decide to have sex, I will tell you what I wish someone had told me before my first time: Stretch!
I had sex for the first time at 22, so I get where you're coming from about being a virgin. It was kind of a relief for me to finally have sex and not have to spend so much time thinking about whether or not I wanted to have sex with someone and when to have the talk when I was dating a new person about the fact that I was a virgin, blah, blah, blah. I'm from a religious family. I don't regret waiting, but I don't regret getting "the first time" over with either and not having that pressure anymore.
I was thinking my first time in trying to answer this question, and as far as the actual sex goes, I don't really remember it. I don't think it would have made a difference one way or the other if there had been another person. If the sex is all you care about, I don't think it makes a difference whether your first time is as part of a threesome or not.
What I do remember is after. We went to sleep together in my bed. The next day I woke up early, and there was a man in my bed! That was strange and weird, and I wasn't sure what to do with myself, so I went in the living room and read a book until he woke up. And then he came out of the bedroom, and he made breakfast for us while I got the sheets in the laundry and scrubbed the blood out of the mattress. Neither of us had to work that day, but we didn't have much money, so we just drove out to the lake and cuddled up in the car with the windows rolled down and watched the water. We spent the whole day together, and it was nice. Even though that relationship didn't last very long and ended badly, I wouldn't trade the memory of that day for all the tea in the world. And you're not going to get a day like that with a couple. You're probably not even going to go sleep in the same bed and have someone there when you wake up. And that might not be important to you. It all just depends on what your personal priorities are.
If you do decide to have sex, I will tell you what I wish someone had told me before my first time: Stretch!
Thank you for sharing your story :)
The waiting on my part was more unintentional than religious motivated, I'm really awful at the whole dating thing and never even had the opportunity for getting a boyfriend (or I overlooked them) and am not sure when (if!) I'll get another chance soon.
What you mentioned about the "after" is what's making me hesitate the most. So far, I've only gotten the offer from them and the more I think of it, the more I'm sure that I need to sit down with them to talk it over.
Otherwise it could get awkward fast, I think.
The waiting on my part was more unintentional than religious motivated, I'm really awful at the whole dating thing and never even had the opportunity for getting a boyfriend (or I overlooked them) and am not sure when (if!) I'll get another chance soon.
What you mentioned about the "after" is what's making me hesitate the most. So far, I've only gotten the offer from them and the more I think of it, the more I'm sure that I need to sit down with them to talk it over.
Otherwise it could get awkward fast, I think.
Anybody watch the new episode tonight, and have a non-spoilery review? Very curious about how the Americanization went.
na
Oh how far I've come. I didn't even realize that there was a new episode. Before Children of Earth, I would have been all over that.
Oh how far I've come. I didn't even realize that there was a new episode. Before Children of Earth, I would have been all over that.
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