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Nonnies, I'm so utterly fucked. I think I'm in love with a friend. Problem is I have a boyfriend of seven years who I love and this guy has a girlfriend whom he loves and I adore. The whole situation is FUBAR.
What the hell do I do?? I love my bf and don't want to split up with him. Even if I were to break it off, there's no question of me making a move on this guy and destroying our friendship and my friendship with his girlfriend.
My current plan of action is to do nothing and try and wait this infatuation out. Is that selfish? Should I break it off with my bf because I feel this way? It seems horribly unfair to keep our relationship going when I'm as much in love with another man as him and yet I don't want to throw our years together away over something that might be passing.
Any advice anons? :(
What the hell do I do?? I love my bf and don't want to split up with him. Even if I were to break it off, there's no question of me making a move on this guy and destroying our friendship and my friendship with his girlfriend.
My current plan of action is to do nothing and try and wait this infatuation out. Is that selfish? Should I break it off with my bf because I feel this way? It seems horribly unfair to keep our relationship going when I'm as much in love with another man as him and yet I don't want to throw our years together away over something that might be passing.
Any advice anons? :(
I don't know if they ship to the states but my friend had great success with Liz Earle products. Good luck! I have the opposite problem of oversensitive and dry skin. Skin - such a nuisance!
No, it's not selfish *not* to break up a relationship because of an infatuation. That's the opposite of selfish. What you should do is to stop seeing and talking to this other guy except in group situations and start thinking about what the possibility of that relationship offers you that your current one doesn't and figure out how to get that back in your current relationship, whether that means spending more time together just the two of you or what. Treat it like you secretly cheated, even though you didn't. If you and your boyfriend are really still in love, you'll be able to rekindle your relationship, and if not, at least you'll have learned *that*. And maybe be able to move on with any number of people without breaking up another couple and losing a friendship.
ayrt
I might have to work my way up to conditioner only, but I like the no product, no frizz side effect. And an lj forum more prone to argument? Surely you jest. :p
...Tailbone length. One day I'll get there. Mine is just about to my bra strap. So close.
I might have to work my way up to conditioner only, but I like the no product, no frizz side effect. And an lj forum more prone to argument? Surely you jest. :p
...Tailbone length. One day I'll get there. Mine is just about to my bra strap. So close.
I don't like the other nonnies advice much.
Here's the thing, it's way possible to love more than one person at one time. No one is getting loved any less. Can you act on your other love? Sure! Just not in an erotic/romantic way. Love him as your friend, love his girlfriend as your friend and love your boyfriend as your boyfriend. Your love your for boyfriend is in no way diminished because you love someone else, too.
Love can be selfish. Acting on it in a way that would hurt you, him, his girlfriend or your boyfriend would be selfish. Just feeling it? Not selfish at all. That's my two cents for you.
Here's the thing, it's way possible to love more than one person at one time. No one is getting loved any less. Can you act on your other love? Sure! Just not in an erotic/romantic way. Love him as your friend, love his girlfriend as your friend and love your boyfriend as your boyfriend. Your love your for boyfriend is in no way diminished because you love someone else, too.
Love can be selfish. Acting on it in a way that would hurt you, him, his girlfriend or your boyfriend would be selfish. Just feeling it? Not selfish at all. That's my two cents for you.
I prefer the second nonnie's advice, nonnie.
I'm sorry you are feeling so conflicted! But I believe it is totally society's fabrications and ideas that make us think that it's only possible to truly 'love' one person at a time. Some people only have romantic feelings for one person at a time, that's absolutely true, but for so many it can be so much more complicated than that. Have you read about polyamory at all? Not saying that you should act on that, but I found it very useful and helpful for me to read about different relationship structures. I am in a monogamous relationship now but I still feel like that doesn't mean that I can only have feelings for that one person. Rather, I can have all kinds of feelings, and then it depends on the boundaries that my current partner and I negotiate on how much of that gets acted upon. Right now - not at all, because we negotiated to stay in a monogamous relationship for now. But I still feel a lot better knowing that it doesn't make me a freak, or that I am not "meant" to be with my current partner because I might find someone else attractive or even end up developing quite the crush.
So, I don't have much to suggest to you in terms of actions, but rather hopefully you can find ways to let go of the guilt of having feelings for someone who isn't your partner. Whether you discuss it with your partner, break up with them because you feel it's unfair to say with them having feelings for someone else, actively try to pursue the other person, tell the other person that you have feelings from them just to get it out of your system, sit back and wait for it to all pass away... that is up to you.
Is there a possibility that a part of the reason these feelings are so persistent is that you feel weird about the whole thing? that it's kind of of forbidden but also kind of exciting, and a part of you wants to relish that? I know that has been the case for me in the past. I could be totally off track, but if that is the case, it might help you to move past this to truly acknowledge these feelings and to feel them and then let them pass, rather than trying to resist them.
Just remember that it's NORMAL to have feelings for someone other than your partner. It doesn't mean that your current relationship is doomed. Different relationships offer different things, just like I have one friend that I love going to the movies and out dancing with, and another friend that is great for long heartfelt conversations over a cup of tea. Neither is a better friend to me, and the existence of either relationship doesn't mean the other one is worth any less. They just offer different things to my life.
I'll stop rambling now :P Best of luck with everything!
I'm sorry you are feeling so conflicted! But I believe it is totally society's fabrications and ideas that make us think that it's only possible to truly 'love' one person at a time. Some people only have romantic feelings for one person at a time, that's absolutely true, but for so many it can be so much more complicated than that. Have you read about polyamory at all? Not saying that you should act on that, but I found it very useful and helpful for me to read about different relationship structures. I am in a monogamous relationship now but I still feel like that doesn't mean that I can only have feelings for that one person. Rather, I can have all kinds of feelings, and then it depends on the boundaries that my current partner and I negotiate on how much of that gets acted upon. Right now - not at all, because we negotiated to stay in a monogamous relationship for now. But I still feel a lot better knowing that it doesn't make me a freak, or that I am not "meant" to be with my current partner because I might find someone else attractive or even end up developing quite the crush.
So, I don't have much to suggest to you in terms of actions, but rather hopefully you can find ways to let go of the guilt of having feelings for someone who isn't your partner. Whether you discuss it with your partner, break up with them because you feel it's unfair to say with them having feelings for someone else, actively try to pursue the other person, tell the other person that you have feelings from them just to get it out of your system, sit back and wait for it to all pass away... that is up to you.
Is there a possibility that a part of the reason these feelings are so persistent is that you feel weird about the whole thing? that it's kind of of forbidden but also kind of exciting, and a part of you wants to relish that? I know that has been the case for me in the past. I could be totally off track, but if that is the case, it might help you to move past this to truly acknowledge these feelings and to feel them and then let them pass, rather than trying to resist them.
Just remember that it's NORMAL to have feelings for someone other than your partner. It doesn't mean that your current relationship is doomed. Different relationships offer different things, just like I have one friend that I love going to the movies and out dancing with, and another friend that is great for long heartfelt conversations over a cup of tea. Neither is a better friend to me, and the existence of either relationship doesn't mean the other one is worth any less. They just offer different things to my life.
I'll stop rambling now :P Best of luck with everything!
na
holy shit, No-Poo is a product?? I thought it was a method, of using no shampoo. I've been "no-poo" for a few years now but I guess there's something new to learn every day!
I haven't tried conditioner only (haven't used either shampoo or conditioner for a few years) but if I remember correctly it's important to use conditioner with no silicones in it. More info can be found on the naturalliving and the naturalskin communities on lj, and of course, no_poo!
holy shit, No-Poo is a product?? I thought it was a method, of using no shampoo. I've been "no-poo" for a few years now but I guess there's something new to learn every day!
I haven't tried conditioner only (haven't used either shampoo or conditioner for a few years) but if I remember correctly it's important to use conditioner with no silicones in it. More info can be found on the naturalliving and the naturalskin communities on lj, and of course, no_poo!
Seconding the first nonnie's advice. It's interesting to me, reading the other perspectives, because I ended up with the same feeling I often have while reading Dan Savage's column. He seems to think that polyamory and open relationships are the answer to many relationship problems but to be quite honest, lots and lots of people are just not wired for polyamory. If my partner was having genuine feelings for someone other than me, I'd want to know about it so I could find someone for whom I would be first and only. I'd also be really upset and hurt as your partner that you allowed yourself to fall in love with your friend. I don't believe in "uncontrollable feelings"; if you felt yourself falling for the guy, you could have chosen stay away from him. It's also really unfair to your female friend that you've let yourself develop feelings for her boyfriend, although it's good that you're not interested in trying to break up that relationship.
So the way I see it, there are two possibilities: a) you're not wired for monogamy, in which case it's important your boyfriend knows that, so he can make the decision whether to stay or go or b) there's something wrong with your current relationship, and instead of dealing with it, you're externalizing your feelings onto this other guy. I think you need to decide which of the two it is, and if you're not able to get over the other guy, you owe it to your boyfriend to break it off with him and allow him to move on.
So the way I see it, there are two possibilities: a) you're not wired for monogamy, in which case it's important your boyfriend knows that, so he can make the decision whether to stay or go or b) there's something wrong with your current relationship, and instead of dealing with it, you're externalizing your feelings onto this other guy. I think you need to decide which of the two it is, and if you're not able to get over the other guy, you owe it to your boyfriend to break it off with him and allow him to move on.
NA
How do you control your feelings? (I mean this question sincerely, because I'd love to be able to control mine. You have no idea.)
How do you control your feelings? (I mean this question sincerely, because I'd love to be able to control mine. You have no idea.)
ayrt
I know myself and I know when I'm starting to feel things that could become problematic. In a case like this (and something like this actually did happen to me once, so I'm speaking from personal experience), if I knew I was becoming attracted to my friend and I wanted to continue my relationship with my current bf, I'd make the decision not to be around that friend anymore. Before it got to the point where I was in love with him, which is unfair to my boyfriend and even more unfair to the other guy's girlfriend, supposedly my close friend. Also, be busy, get a new hobby, join a new club or something, give yourself something else to think about rather than obsessing over the new guy.
I know myself and I know when I'm starting to feel things that could become problematic. In a case like this (and something like this actually did happen to me once, so I'm speaking from personal experience), if I knew I was becoming attracted to my friend and I wanted to continue my relationship with my current bf, I'd make the decision not to be around that friend anymore. Before it got to the point where I was in love with him, which is unfair to my boyfriend and even more unfair to the other guy's girlfriend, supposedly my close friend. Also, be busy, get a new hobby, join a new club or something, give yourself something else to think about rather than obsessing over the new guy.
I saw a guy with two bumper stickers on his car today as I was driving along. One said "I eat crap sandwiches." The other said "I have Erectile Dysfunction" with a frowny face. I'm surprised that someone decided they could make money selling those bumper stickers, much less that someone actually bought them and stuck them on their car. Is it just me?
Reasons to have a "I have Erectile Dysfunction" bumper sticker:
- You can not shame me! POWER fellow comrades!
- Supporting others
- An injoke
- A practical joke
- A bet
- Humiliating others (Why yes, you can borrow a car. But only the one with the bumper stickers. *evil cackle*
Reasons to have a "I eat crap sandwiches" bumper sticker:
- ...
That one is even weirder.
- You can not shame me! POWER fellow comrades!
- Supporting others
- An injoke
- A practical joke
- A bet
- Humiliating others (Why yes, you can borrow a car. But only the one with the bumper stickers. *evil cackle*
Reasons to have a "I eat crap sandwiches" bumper sticker:
- ...
That one is even weirder.
Fan fic writers and artists, do you crosspost your work?
I'm pretty lazy about posting fic- I currently post on my journal (which is mostly for my benefit, since I don't really socialize on LJ and I don't have a flist) and fanfiction.net. I'm considering reposting my work on AO3, but it feels a little self serving, since I'd only be doing it for more feedback and readers. What do you guys think?
I'm pretty lazy about posting fic- I currently post on my journal (which is mostly for my benefit, since I don't really socialize on LJ and I don't have a flist) and fanfiction.net. I'm considering reposting my work on AO3, but it feels a little self serving, since I'd only be doing it for more feedback and readers. What do you guys think?
Hey nonnie, why are you in the OT post?
FTR: I'm an artist and I don't crosspost, because I mostly draw for big bangs and challenges and things that are reasonably well advertised. I think you should crosspost to AO3 if you want, it doesn't matter if it's self-serving. Getting feedback and expanding readership is hardly frowned upon in fandom, anyway.
FTR: I'm an artist and I don't crosspost, because I mostly draw for big bangs and challenges and things that are reasonably well advertised. I think you should crosspost to AO3 if you want, it doesn't matter if it's self-serving. Getting feedback and expanding readership is hardly frowned upon in fandom, anyway.
na
(0.0 Assuming you aren't actually me; Get outta my brain).
This. All of this. Only I also don't crosspost because I prefer to stay under the radar.
(0.0 Assuming you aren't actually me; Get outta my brain).
This. All of this. Only I also don't crosspost because I prefer to stay under the radar.
ayrt It didn't even occur to me to use the main post, for some reason. Huh.
You're probably right about posting. I'm just not used to advertising myself, which is what it feels like, and it feels weird to throw fic out there for the sole purpose of garnering readers and feedback. I normally just post to back up my work, and because reviews help give me a kick in the pants to finish my WIPs.
You're probably right about posting. I'm just not used to advertising myself, which is what it feels like, and it feels weird to throw fic out there for the sole purpose of garnering readers and feedback. I normally just post to back up my work, and because reviews help give me a kick in the pants to finish my WIPs.
I post to my website and to Ao3 and only link at my journals.
As a reader, I adore anyone who cross posts to AO3, because of its bookmarking, history and download options. Your intentions may be self serving, but you benefit lots of people who aren't you.
Seconding the nonny who said this belongs in the regular meme.
As a reader, I adore anyone who cross posts to AO3, because of its bookmarking, history and download options. Your intentions may be self serving, but you benefit lots of people who aren't you.
Seconding the nonny who said this belongs in the regular meme.
I'm going bonkers here because out of the blue, my brain decided to focus on some stupid, shortlived(?) teenie show from ages ago, and I can't figure out what it was called or even who was in it. *hates brain* I think it took place in a coast-y, rich region and focused mostly on a rich girl who fell in love with a poor, criminal (or just supposed to be criminal?) boy. One of them was into art and painting. Or was it both? Everybody disapproved of their relationship and there was a lot of ~tension and pressure to break up. The girl had lovely blondish curls.
HELP! And no, it's not The OC.
HELP! And no, it's not The OC.
When was it on?
How long was it on?
Do you have an idea of the network?
What made you say it's not the OC, did you associate the show with the OC in your mind somehow?
How long was it on?
Do you have an idea of the network?
What made you say it's not the OC, did you associate the show with the OC in your mind somehow?
OP
I found it. :D Apparently it was called Malibu Shores. I just mentioned The OC because it was also set in a beach-y region and featured rich!girl/poor!criminal!boy.
I found it. :D Apparently it was called Malibu Shores. I just mentioned The OC because it was also set in a beach-y region and featured rich!girl/poor!criminal!boy.
I just found out that Wayne Brady lives in Sherman Oaks, and now I have this image of RPF in which Jared embarrasses himself fanboying the guy outside of a coffee shop. Jensen would play the part of the longsuffering I-don't-know-this-guy-I-swear dude (who secretly loves it and also fangirls Brady).
It's days like this that I wish I could write fic. :3
It's days like this that I wish I could write fic. :3
I had to google Wayne Brady, but I still heart this idea. :)
It's been speculated that both Jared and Jensen (have) lived in the area (city in California).
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