Big Bang/Exchange Fic Discussion #1

[spnanonhaven]

Post your threads for Big Bangs and exchange fics here.

Format like so:


SUBJECT: Title [Pairing, Rating] by AUTHOR
CONTENT: Art by whoever

http://url of the master post on the BB comm.

Comments

Re: J2_EA: I Dream of Jensen [PG-13] by queeberquabbler

[(Anonymous)]

JP: Yeah, well you have non-veiny muscled arms and a great ass, so I’m thinking about you too, not to mention your compulsive need to do stuff for me without me actually wishing for it.
JA: That’s because I’m not allowed to do stuff for myself, a rule I’ll violate repeatedly through the course of this story. Let me exposition dump in private about how I can’t let myself be vulnerable because nothing good ever happens to me no matter how nice you seem to be, and further exposition dump aloud about all of the standard rules. No wishing for more wishes, no raising the dead, no making people fall in love with you.

JP: Dude, totally thwarted.

JA: You’re in love with somebody? Dammit.

JP: Yep, David. I’ll wax poetic about him for awhile and make you sit through a marathon of his show after forcing you to promise not to give me any more freebies, a promise which will be totally binding because we shook on it, unlike my promise to free you with my third wish, which will be much more wishy-washy.

JA: Nonetheless I trust you because you hug me. That’s not gonna burn me later.

JP: Of course it won’t. Anyway, I’ll come up with a carefully worded wish that you make me David’s new co-star, which will totally give him the chance to fall in love with me because he hasn’t given any indications of being an ego-maniac at all.

JA: All right, your wish is my command. My granting your wish will mostly consist of getting you a new wardrobe with lots of name-dropped designers and gaming your imbd page to turn you into Tristan Leck, along with casting a glamour so that none of your friends on set will recognize you.

JP: Well, the last part is magic at least.

JA: I’ll also magically bring Sadie into my bottle when she’s freaked out by the thunderstorms you snore through, although she’s mysteriously un-freaked by my night terrors.

JP: Night terrors?

JA: Wait ‘til the next Exposition Dump for that, Jared, it won’t be long in coming. Anyway, let’s get you to the studio for your audition that I arranged, after the pancake breakfast that I wished for myself even though I’m not allowed to wish for myself and which isn’t a freebie to you because I can’t freebies because I made a binding promise.

JP: Wow, that just violates every rule we’ve laid down.

JA: Pay no mind; the author doesn’t.

JP: Cool beans. After being really dense about the whole ‘now I’m Tristan Leck’ thing for awhile and letting you dress me so that I can act all self-effacing and you can rhapsodize about how gorgeous I am and see me in my underwear again, we head to the studio via a magical car that we drive to the train station, shrink down until it fits in my briefcase, and then we drive it from the second train station to the studio—Jensen, why don’t we just drive the car to the studio?

JA: The author doesn’t bother explaining, but hey, LA traffic sucks, so let’s just go with that. Oh, and we’re on to part six – do yourself a favor and don’t look at the accompanying graphic, because while all of the manips are a little creepy, this one seriously freaks me out.

JP: **Looks** Oh, god, you’re right.

JA: Told ya. Once seen, it cannot be unseen.

JP: **shudders** Moving on: why don’t you start befriending the crew and scaring up the story on David while I totally wow the creator Eric ‘No that K. doesn’t stand for Kripke’ Sullivan along with the rest of the writers and execs with my audition.

JA: And just so you know, that audition is all you, my magic has nothing to do with it.

JP: It doesn’t? You’re a lame fucking genie.

JA: But it’ll maintain your dignity as an actor.

JP: Very well. But just for that, I’ll be all creepy and not bat an eye when Alona refers to your ass as “juicy, juicy peaches”.

JA: But they are. **sticks out tongue** Not that you’d notice, being all moony for evil sorcerer David™.

JP: Oh, I notice, I just don’t do jack shit about it.

JA: Well, just for that, I’ll surprise you with the fact that Jim Beaver used to be my master and couldn’t free me for reasons totally beyond his control. I had to save his life with the third wish, even though I’m really giving with the freebies and he never made me make the same stupid promise that you did.

Re: J2_EA: I Dream of Jensen [PG-13] by queeberquabbler

[(Anonymous)]

JP: Funky. Well, he also lets it slip via another huge Exposition Dump that you have night terrors and tells me all about your dreadful past, including the night terrors and the masters who used you as another “kind of slave” even though that sounds like a wish to me, and also teases me with the name ‘James’ which will come up in another massive Exposition Dump to come later.

JA: Oooh, you’re crafty. I’ll bear this in mind when I wake you up sobbing with night terrors later.

JP: Poor baby: do you want to talk about it?

JA: Absolutely not. In fact, I’m gonna gag myself when I go back to bed to keep my wailing to a minimum.

JP: Wow, kinky. And woobie. Woobie-kinky?

JA: Damn straight. Did I mention that I understand the languages of all creatures?

JP: In fact you did. Your Mary Sue credentials are fully stocked. I tip my hat to you.

JA: Not enough to comfort me in my night terrors.

JP: I tried—

JA: No, you’re teasing me by being so in love with David.

JP: But we get into a semi-erotic tickling match when you’re only two inches tall, doesn’t that count for anything?

JA: No, and it’s really weird. Not to mention that you get about being late for your first day at work with Daa-vid.

JP: You think that’s pissy, wait until he and I have a fight scene and you lunge for him.

JA: Apparently I’ve lost track of the fact that this is a TV show.

JP: This gives me the perfect opportunity to talk you down in front of David, calling you just my handler and “employee” in an attempt to have you not arrested for assault.

JA: But I already erased all his bruises!

JP: I thought you weren’t allowed to make wishes for personal gain.

JA: But—

JP: Nope, just for that you need to run off and wallow about how you’re not as important to me as David is. Because you’re not.

JA: Fine. You enjoy your time with the asshole.

JP: I will! He invites me to dinner and I am SO EXCITE.

JA: You’re gonna feel horrible about that when you get back to your trailer and Jim’s there to lecture you about not keeping track of my bottle.

JP: Whoops, I knew I forgot something. I’ll continue to be careless about that regardless. But hey, did I tell you about my dinner with Daaa-vid?

JA: Yes, which is why I need to put bars on this joint. **snaps fingers and bars appear**

JP: What the fuck, man?

JA: It’s partially to keep you from going to dinner with Evil Sorcerer David™, but mostly to keep you here for Yet Another Exposition Dump.

JP: **settles in on the couch** So, what did you find out?

JA: Well, I’ll tell you all about it in:

FLASHBACK

JP: **Jaw drops** You did NOT use that in text!

JA: Oh, I didn’t, but the author did. David’s got an evil bloodstone and he’s a real sorcerer, but his PA Gabe Tigerman helped save me from his evil clutches even though he’s terrified of David, but I saved Gabe from the evil bloodstone and he told me all about how David’s been hunting me and knows my real name, Jack Senelens, which is an acronym for my current name, Jensen Ackles, though quite why a genie needs a fake name is never really explained, even though after the flashback I put you through yet another Exposition Dump about how I became a genie because I went looking for a discreet wedding ring to buy my gay seventeenth century lover James, who was a thief and a scoundrel and cheated on me with MY genie, who tricked me into becoming a genie by making me wish for infinite wishes, which turned me into a genie, because only a genie gets infinite wishes, even though genies don’t get to grant their own wishes, which is a HUGE plot hole, but now don’t you feel terrible for me?

JP: I totally do, but David is nothing like James, so I’m still going on my date with him.

JA: Of course you are. Fucker.

Re: J2_EA: I Dream of Jensen [PG-13] by queeberquabbler

[(Anonymous)]

JP: Just let the Hurt consume you, you’ll be fine. Meanwhile, I’m going to enjoy a Fine Dining Experience™ with David, who’s charming and sweet and totally taken in by your fake imdb skills right up until he passes out in his dessert. And then I shortly pass out afterwards.

JA: Strangely, no one in the Fine Dining Establishment™ notices Gabe and David loading you into your car to shackle you into your inevitable doom shortly thereafter.

JP: David and Gabe?

JA: Yeah, David was totally faking being drugged to fake you off his trail, which would make sense if he’d planned for you to survive, which he didn’t, so this whole thing doesn’t make much sense, does it?

JP: No, not really.

JA: On the other hand, you told me no more freebies, so you’re going to have to burn your second wish on having me save you.

JP: FUCK, well, I’m gonna hafta call David and let him know that I’m safe.

JA: Wait—what?

JP: Oh, and about that third wish, sorry about that, but I’m gonna need it to keep me in with David, so I’m not going to be able to free you. Whoopsies.

JA: God, you’re such a dick.

JP: I am! And now I have to go run to David, who’s erupting like Mt. Edna.

JA: **blinks** And now I have a mental image of a woman with a beehive hairdo with steam coming out of her ears. You meant Mt. Etna, didn’t you?

JP: Nope, Mt. Edna, that’s what it says.

JA: Never mind, prick. Go run off to your precious David, and don’t forget to bring my bottle with you like Jim and I have reminded you at least four times.

JP: Nope, I leave it behind for Gabe to swipe and turn over to David, just in time for him to get all megalomaniacal on our asses. I guess you were right about him all along. Damn the blinders of my not-really-true-love!

JA: And me, unwilling slave that I am, will perform all of his wishes for him, making all of the producers give in to his will, because the be all and end all of megalomania is getting your wishes about your show in Hollywood. For good measure, I’ll also banish you to the most desolate place on earth when he wishes it, which is a pretty lame wish, but just to put the cherry on it, I’ll confess my love to you first, because, well, have you looked at you?

JP: Hey, I love you too!

JA: Awesome! This means that I’ll use David’s poorly worded wish to say that he didn’t say you didn’t need to be banished forever. I send Sadie and Harley with a dog sled to save you!

JP: I love my dogs so much, while being slightly disturbed at how much of a role they’re playing in this story.

JA: You ain’t seen nothing yet – wait ‘til you see what they do once you get through the blackened crater that once was Burbank!

JP: You mean David used his powers to turn Burbank into a blackened crater?

JA: Yep – it’s unclear exactly what he wished for, but now he’s turning the minds of the press corps faster than Ari Fleischer!

JP: We can’t have that: faster, doggie-woggies, kill, kill!

JA: ‘Doggie-woggies’?

JP: Well, I was going for something like “Faster, pussy cat, kill—“ but nevermind, this author wasn’t clever enough to make the Russ Meyers connection anyway, so let’s just move along and break his evil snake ring, which, oh, by the way, is the ring you bought for James because as it turns out, David is the descendant of your long-ago evil cheating lover!

Re: J2_EA: I Dream of Jensen [PG-13] by queeberquabbler

[(Anonymous)]

JA: Well, that’s a plot-twist that no one except a soap-opera writer could have ever thought up. And as an alumnus of Days of Our Lives, that’s not a compliment, by the way.

JP: We figured. He asks for you to restore his ring as his last wish.

JA: No go – the ring is fueled by blood magic, which violates the ‘back to life’ clause somehow. So now you have to trick him into making a cleverly worded wish that I can turn against him.

JP: I have him ask to be ‘immortalized’ as opposed to becoming immortal so that you can turn him into a marble statue with a clever plaque.

JA: Done and done. Now I’ll wipe all of your friends’ memories so that they don’t remember your sheer douche-baggery of the last couple of days, because I like you and I think we might have sex.

JP: Not on camera, this is a PG-13 fic remember.

JA: Dammit!

JP: That’s fine, I’ll still wish for you to be free, because I’m not really a douchebag, really!

JA: Awesome! **drags JP off-stage for some big-league smexing**

JP: And now we’re in the Epilogue and I’m auditioning for Supernatural in Vancouver! And hey, you’re auditioning to be Dean!

JA: Yeah, I looked into the future and totally saw us getting these sweet roles because, guess what, I was Shakespeare’s original Romeo and am a fantastic actor!

JP: Wow, I didn’t expect the author to go that completely absurd route, but then again, I haven’t been terribly observant in this story, have I?

JA: No, you haven’t! Also, I got all your best pals from that other show jobs on this one, because I am just that awesome!

JP: Yes you are! Happily ever afters all around.

JA: Indeed!

~END~

Re: J2_EA: I Dream of Jensen [PG-13] by queeberquabbler

[(Anonymous)]

Well. That was unnecessary.

Re: J2_EA: I Dream of Jensen [PG-13] by queeberquabbler

[(Anonymous)]

da

Do you even go here?

Re: J2_EA: I Dream of Jensen [PG-13] by queeberquabbler

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, but it's shit like this that makes me wonder why.

Re: J2_EA: I Dream of Jensen [PG-13] by queeberquabbler

[(Anonymous)]

What is this douchebaggery? I thought this shit was done with. Are you the original J2summary!nonnie or just some other asshole trying to show how ~clever they are?

Re: J2_EA: I Dream of Jensen [PG-13] by queeberquabbler

[(Anonymous)]

Why is meme suddenly shocked and appalled at seeing this? idgi

Re: J2_EA: I Dream of Jensen [PG-13] by queeberquabbler

[(Anonymous)]

na

Because the new meme has no sense of humor and is generally a less fun place than old meme. Plus there's been an influx of assholish n00bs.

Re: J2_EA: I Dream of Jensen [PG-13] by queeberquabbler

[(Anonymous)]

(da)
I don't think I can be surprised by anything meme does anymore, tbh.

Be a douchnozzle if you want to be a douchenozzle. But I think you'll find there are more people laughing at you than the author you're making fun of.

Re: J2_EA: I Dream of Jensen [PG-13] by queeberquabbler

[(Anonymous)]

na

I liked it! Then again, I don't have a stick wedged up my ass. Wish there were more of these summaries....

Re: J2_EA: I Dream of Jensen [PG-13] by queeberquabbler

[(Anonymous)]

No.

Re: J2_EA: I Dream of Jensen [PG-13] by queeberquabbler

[(Anonymous)]

J2 SUMMARY NONNIE, YOU'RE BACK! :D

Thanks for the lowdown on the fic. Hilarious as always!

Re: J2_EA: I Dream of Jensen [PG-13] by queeberquabbler

[(Anonymous)]

WTF is up with all the J2 Summary!nonnie haters? This is a summary of the fic AND a discussion of it just like any others except that it's in a different format (a format, I might also say, that's been around for YEARS). It effectively summarizes the fic and points out the potential pitfalls which is, imo, MUCH better than a one-liner saying "I didn't like it" or "I couldn't get through this shit." At least the summary!nonnie made it to the end of the fic AND spent the time to go through the fic and decide what turned them off so much.

Summary!nonnie, if you ever feel that one of my fics warrants this kind of attention, I want you to feel free because I would love it if someone would point out problematic flaws to me instead of just going off about how much I personally suck as an author. One is constructive (in it's own way) and the other is decidedly not.

Re: J2_EA: I Dream of Jensen [PG-13] by queeberquabbler

[(Anonymous)]

I'll remember to never leave feedback from now on unless it's in summary!nonnie form since that's the most useful kind to you :[

Re: J2_EA: I Dream of Jensen [PG-13] by queeberquabbler

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt

I sincerely hope you're kidding.

Because I did not say, anywhere, that I didn't like other kinds of feedback. I said that summary!nonnie is more useful than a one line "I didn't like it" and more useful than "this author sucks and I hope they never darken my doorstep with this crap again because they can't write!"

Are you seriously arguing that summary!nonnie's summaries are NOT more useful than vague one-liners and author attacks? To readers as well as authors?

Re: J2_EA: I Dream of Jensen [PG-13] by queeberquabbler

[(Anonymous)]

No offense, but these threads aren't about the author. They're for readers, and a tl;dr crack dialogue whose only purpose is to mock the author and show off how clever the summary nonny can be isn't helpful. I'd rather have a couple of paragraphs summarizing any important plot points and what the nonny thought about the writing.

Re: J2_EA: I Dream of Jensen [PG-13] by queeberquabbler

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt

If you read downward, you'll be able to see that I clearly pointed out that the threads were for the reader.

And the summary nonnie does point out what they think of the writing. In an amusing format imo. A lot of times, I'd much rather read these than the actual fics in question because I like them so much. I also don't think that it's particularly mocking the author but rather the fic. It's in the same vein of the MST3K fics that used to be all the rage, like, seven years ago. You personal mileage may indeed vary. That doesn't mean certain nonnies need to be hating on a type of summary that they, personally, don't enjoy. If you would like a different kind of summary, then you can certainly write one.

Re: J2_EA: I Dream of Jensen [PG-13] by queeberquabbler

[(Anonymous)]

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEFULLY!!!!! J2!nonnie!! you're back and you're hilarious as ever!!! <33333

Re: J2_EA: I Dream of Jensen [PG-13] by queeberquabbler

[(Anonymous)]

Your sense of humor leaves a lot to be desired.

Re: J2_EA: I Dream of Jensen [PG-13] by queeberquabbler

[(Anonymous)]

da

You are one tenacious bitter!nonnie.

Re: J2_EA: I Dream of Jensen [PG-13] by queeberquabbler

[(Anonymous)]

yikes, late to the party as always. So glad you see you back summary!nonnie! Ignore the haters, you make the discussion threads lively again! :D

Re: J2_EA: I Dream of Jensen [PG-13] by queeberquabbler

[(Anonymous)]

I know I'm like epically late here, but... omg, that "summary" of yours made me pee myself in laughter. This fic sounds so deliciously bad that I'm gonna read it first thing in the morning!

Re: J2_EA: I Dream of Jensen [PG-13] by queeberquabbler

[(Anonymous)]

I know I'm like epically late here, but... omg, that "summary" of yours made me pee myself in laughter. This fic sounds so deliciously bad that I'm gonna read it first thing in the morning!