JP: Hi, I’m Jared and I’m a struggling actor and PA on the top rated genre show Modern Sorcery starring the absolutely dreamy David Boreanaz
JA: Hi, I’m Jensen and I’m a genie.
JP: Really?
JA: Yep, this is an Aladdin AU. Oh, and by the way, David Boreanaz is totally an evil wizard and a douchebag.
JP: I don’t believe that!
JA: Yeah, you’re gonna remain bullheadedly oblivious to that throughout most of this story, despite the otherwise universal consensus that he’s an asshole.
JP: But the show’s really awesome all because of David and the production crew is awesome and sweet to me after I get soaked by the rain on the way from the train station. Even my boss, Misha.
JA: Well, he’s Misha, of course he’s awesome.
J2: **sigh** Yeah…
JP: Anyway, after the Suits from the network get all pissy on David because he’s unilaterally decided that we’re changing this week’s episode from an Arctic ice-queen adventure to an Arabian Nights-themed desert romp, David is all sweet to me and asks me to get a super-special-secret genie lamp prop from the prop warehouse which is giant and scary and guarded by Jim Beaver, who will only grant me admittance because I’m awesome and somehow the only PA for the show permitted to go into the prop warehouse.
JA: **snorts** Because it’d be a real shocker that you’d need a genie lamp for an Arabian Nights-themed episode. WAY to be subtle there, Evil Sorcerer Boreanaz™.
JP: **raises his hand** I shan’t hear a negative word against my beloved David. Anyways, it’s how we’re going to meet so you shouldn’t be bitching so much.
JA: Objection rescinded.
JP: Though you may be on to something because he throws me out of his dressing room after I hand him the crappy brass prop, before I can show him the beautiful blue-glass ‘I Dream of Jeannie’ bottle that I had in my backpack.
JA: Told you so.
JP: Yeah, well, he’s not as big of a dick as the Suit who suspends me for a week for missing an all-crew meeting while running David’s errand. I’m so miserable that I have to take my dogs to a secluded rocky beach completely isolated from all-prying eyes so that I can wallow in my misery and realize I’m still wearing the clothes from the wardrobe department that Misha lent me earlier.
JA: What’re you going to do about that?
JP: Strip down to my skivvies and then realize the other lamp is still in my bag so that we can have our Meet Cute while I’m in my undies.
JA: **puts his thumbs up** I approve!
JP: Excellent. I’ll then waffle about thinking about rubbing the lamp for about three hundred pointless words before giving into the urge and poof.
JA:
I’M ENORMOUS!
JP: Yes, yes you are. With chiseled abs and arms like football fields and stained-glass green windows for eyes.
JA:
And what with the fact that I’m wearing billowy silk genie pants, it’s a good thing this beach is completely secluded from all possible witnesses, isn’t it?
JP: It is, though, frankly, those aren’t the most embarrassing pants you’ve ever worn, are they?
JA:
If the words ‘brick’ and ‘pants’ come out of your mouth, I will turn you into a dung beetle.
JP: It’d be a lot easier to take you seriously if you weren’t bowing before me and scaring my dogs.
JA:
I’m bowing before you? Oh, fuck, I’m a slave, aren’t I?
JP: Jen, believe me when I say it gets worse. But in the meanwhile, could you shrink down and get us home so that we can have the first of many, many Exposition Dumps?
JA: Your wish is my command.
JP: Oh, that’s never gonna get old. But by the way, that wasn't a wish.
JA: Oooh, you're lucky that I seem to compulsively hand you freebies because you're nice and gorgeous and have dimples.
Re: J2_EA: The Stars With You, Any Time [PG-13] by poor_choices
JA: Hi, I’m Jensen and I’m a genie.
JP: Really?
JA: Yep, this is an Aladdin AU. Oh, and by the way, David Boreanaz is totally an evil wizard and a douchebag.
JP: I don’t believe that!
JA: Yeah, you’re gonna remain bullheadedly oblivious to that throughout most of this story, despite the otherwise universal consensus that he’s an asshole.
JP: But the show’s really awesome all because of David and the production crew is awesome and sweet to me after I get soaked by the rain on the way from the train station. Even my boss, Misha.
JA: Well, he’s Misha, of course he’s awesome.
J2: **sigh** Yeah…
JP: Anyway, after the Suits from the network get all pissy on David because he’s unilaterally decided that we’re changing this week’s episode from an Arctic ice-queen adventure to an Arabian Nights-themed desert romp, David is all sweet to me and asks me to get a super-special-secret genie lamp prop from the prop warehouse which is giant and scary and guarded by Jim Beaver, who will only grant me admittance because I’m awesome and somehow the only PA for the show permitted to go into the prop warehouse.
JA: **snorts** Because it’d be a real shocker that you’d need a genie lamp for an Arabian Nights-themed episode. WAY to be subtle there, Evil Sorcerer Boreanaz™.
JP: **raises his hand** I shan’t hear a negative word against my beloved David. Anyways, it’s how we’re going to meet so you shouldn’t be bitching so much.
JA: Objection rescinded.
JP: Though you may be on to something because he throws me out of his dressing room after I hand him the crappy brass prop, before I can show him the beautiful blue-glass ‘I Dream of Jeannie’ bottle that I had in my backpack.
JA: Told you so.
JP: Yeah, well, he’s not as big of a dick as the Suit who suspends me for a week for missing an all-crew meeting while running David’s errand. I’m so miserable that I have to take my dogs to a secluded rocky beach completely isolated from all-prying eyes so that I can wallow in my misery and realize I’m still wearing the clothes from the wardrobe department that Misha lent me earlier.
JA: What’re you going to do about that?
JP: Strip down to my skivvies and then realize the other lamp is still in my bag so that we can have our Meet Cute while I’m in my undies.
JA: **puts his thumbs up** I approve!
JP: Excellent. I’ll then waffle about thinking about rubbing the lamp for about three hundred pointless words before giving into the urge and poof.
JA:
I’M ENORMOUS!
JP: Yes, yes you are. With chiseled abs and arms like football fields and stained-glass green windows for eyes.
JA:
And what with the fact that I’m wearing billowy silk genie pants, it’s a good thing this beach is completely secluded from all possible witnesses, isn’t it?
JP: It is, though, frankly, those aren’t the most embarrassing pants you’ve ever worn, are they?
JA:
If the words ‘brick’ and ‘pants’ come out of your mouth, I will turn you into a dung beetle.
JP: It’d be a lot easier to take you seriously if you weren’t bowing before me and scaring my dogs.
JA:
I’m bowing before you? Oh, fuck, I’m a slave, aren’t I?
JP: Jen, believe me when I say it gets worse. But in the meanwhile, could you shrink down and get us home so that we can have the first of many, many Exposition Dumps?
JA: Your wish is my command.
JP: Oh, that’s never gonna get old. But by the way, that wasn't a wish.
JA: Oooh, you're lucky that I seem to compulsively hand you freebies because you're nice and gorgeous and have dimples.