The wall of text made my eyes hurt, too. Okay, I read - well, I skipped to the relevant scene actually - and, um, let me quote a couple of lines:
It was the moment Bobby returned to the room that Dean knew they had a problem on their hands. The elder hunter was holding a pile of towels, a bowl of hot water, and a knife in his hand. His face paled as he stared at the knife, understanding exactly what it was he was planning on doing with it. “.. n-no, that’s not good…” he gasped, shaking his head.
Bobby shook his head, stepping right up to the nest. “no time to talk now, Dean. Get out of there so I can help him ‘fore its too late. He’s not deliverin’ like he should be, and we gotta get that baby outta him.”
They cut Cas open to find...an egg.
It took both Bobby and Dean to work the egg free, gently prodding and squeezing until at long last, the egg came free, falling directly into Dean’s hands. He immediately let Sam take over, whisking the egg into his hands and cleaning the placental blood away from the thin shell.
The egg hatches, out comes a baby girl. The end.
This fic has every possible cliche you can can think of: mpreg, egg!fic, nesting, angelic marriage ritual, matching handprint scars (that one was new to me actually) etc, and normally I'd be all over it, but...
a) punctuation b) wall of text/formatting c) Bobby's accent (author, you don't need to mimic that. We know what Bobby sounds like. I know some authors do it - JKR et al. - but it's not necessary.) d) characterisation issues e) too much telling, too little showing
Re: Dean/Cas Secret Santa: Week 2 12/20-(end)
Spoilers
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The wall of text made my eyes hurt, too. Okay, I read - well, I skipped to the relevant scene actually - and, um, let me quote a couple of lines:
It was the moment Bobby returned to the room that Dean knew they had a problem on their hands. The elder hunter was holding a pile of towels, a bowl of hot water, and a knife in his hand. His face paled as he stared at the knife, understanding exactly what it was he was planning on doing with it. “.. n-no, that’s not good…” he gasped, shaking his head.
Bobby shook his head, stepping right up to the nest. “no time to talk now, Dean. Get out of there so I can help him ‘fore its too late. He’s not deliverin’ like he should be, and we gotta get that baby outta him.”
They cut Cas open to find...an egg.
It took both Bobby and Dean to work the egg free, gently prodding and squeezing until at long last, the egg came free, falling directly into Dean’s hands. He immediately let Sam take over, whisking the egg into his hands and cleaning the placental blood away from the thin shell.
The egg hatches, out comes a baby girl. The end.
This fic has every possible cliche you can can think of: mpreg, egg!fic, nesting, angelic marriage ritual, matching handprint scars (that one was new to me actually) etc, and normally I'd be all over it, but...
a) punctuation
b) wall of text/formatting
c) Bobby's accent (author, you don't need to mimic that. We know what Bobby sounds like. I know some authors do it - JKR et al. - but it's not necessary.)
d) characterisation issues
e) too much telling, too little showing